Memoirs of a Werewolf
by Sonali
Summary: A small fic about the thoughts of Remus J. Lupin. He's not as alone as he thought he was.
1. Monday

**Author's Note**: I would usually only state this once, but it's too much fun trying to come up with witty ways to make sure you know I don't own characters. This ficlet in particular has to deal with Remmy J. Lupin. He belongs to JK Rowling, but I still expect him gift wrapped for my birthday.

**Memoirs of a Werewolf**

_Monday, October 1983 _

October gave the true essence of autumn. September seemed to be only but a short pathway from summer to fall. Yet there was a small interval break this afternoon from the usually chilly English autumnal days. The sun innocently peeked out from behind the clouds before overpowering and driving them away slowly. Happy to be in the spotlight now, the cheerful-looking bright sun spread its warm rays below, stretching as much as it could over bustling London. It was just another day of work and errands to most city-goers, whether they were Witches and Wizards or Muggles.

But one such Wizard hadn't any such work or errands to fulfill. One Remus Lupin trudged over a long London sidewalk, alone among the groups of people walking past, ranging from busy adults to children chattering up a storm as they walked across the city streets. He took a deep breath as he walked slowly. It wasn't the cleanest air ever, but it was much better than his stuffy home. The sun shone down upon his pallid face and features; his graying dusky brown hair and his tired grey eyes. His long, old, brown overcoat ruffled with every long slow stride he took, accompanied by a cane in his right hand, tapping the pavement beneath him with each step to support his weaker weight. He had to delay his job quest for a couple days because of the Full moon. Ah yes, the moon. The blasted thing never gave him a moment's peace. He had found a job for himself half a year or so ago, writing and researching for Wizarding textbooks, mainly for students. But, alas, he couldn't lie about the _Illnesses or Problems _category on his resume anymore. He couldn't leave it blank with a Not Available anymore. With trying to find a job, beginning things with the Order, and his lycanthropy, things were becoming tough for him.

Remus slowed to a stop for a moment, glancing sideways at an opening on the walkway grass, where there was a small park. Thinking it would be nice to have a walk, he entered the square silently, slipping his pale free hand into his coat pocket absentmindedly. He watched as kids tottered around playing games, young couples walking hand in hand down the path, and the elderly sitting and watching the others, looking almost envious, you could say. Though, Remus himself didn't look any different than the jealous watching of the elders; he wished he could run around like the children, know somebody dear like the couples, and have peace like the elderly. They all had something he wished to have himself.

The sun had taken a break behind a patch of hazy grey clouds as the werewolf came upon a wooden bench nearby, secluded by a small area of surrounding trees. Stretching his legs out, he set his rustic-looking cane upon his lap and leaned back against the dry reverse of his seat. Yellow, brown, and red leaves had begun to fall from their places on the branches of the trees like every autumn. A patch of dry leaves that were now at the mercy of the wind rustled around on the ground near Remus, swirling this way and that near his feet. Except the quietly droned sound of cars on the streets nearby, the spurts of giggles coming from the frolicking children in the rest of the park, and the rustling of the wind through the trees, it was serenely calm.

Soon, he found himself almost drifting off to sleep where he sat, his heavy-feeling eyelids drooping lightly. The sudden ruffling of feathers near woke him out of his half-stupor, and he turned his head sideways to see a bird perched on the railing arm rest beside him. It was a small blackbird, with glisteningly straight-preened feathers. The bird observed him with a few head tilts and blinks of its oddly colored large brown eyes. She, unlike most other birds round the park, stayed settled beside him, peering up at him once in awhile as if expecting the man to offer her a seat hospitably. Remus's eyes flickered from ahead to the bird for a couple moments, which folded her wings behind her and seemed to be glancing over in the direction Remus had as well, trying to see what was so amazing about the view.

"Eh...hullo. Nice morning, hm?" He muttered lightly. The blackbird craned her head to look at him and ruffled her feathers. It was odd how her movements personified a behavior like she was actually listening to him.

"It'd be far better if I didn't have to deal with that moon. Wouldn't have to use this blasted thing..." Remus continued, motioning to his cane. "I have to mark down every moon cycle...make sure I'm not doing anything that evening...make sure I'm not around people.." A sigh escaped from his pale lips.

Before he knew it, he snatched up his pocket watch, popping it open with a finger upon the dial and hopping upwards from the amount of time he had spent this morning at the park; far more than he would have liked to. Grasping onto his cane, he rose to his feet and looked back down at the blackbird.

"I can't believe I spent my morning talking to a bird..." He mused aloud with a shake of his head. He must have been really pathetic. The bird, however, squawked once as if in resentment of such a statement, hopping up to the back of the bench and blinking at him a few times before fluttering away. Leaning on his wooden cane after a brief pause, he strode away from the small park.


	2. Tuesday

**Disclaimer: **I own everything. Oh, and I'm also the aboriginal queen of the sea if you believe that.

_Tuesday, October 1983_

From what it looked like, every weekday with the exception of Friday didn't matter at all. Monday, Thursday...it was all the same. Everyone still had to work. With the exception of a Mr. Lupin, who found himself yearning to escape from the confines of his small one-man sized place this morning, as he usually did nowadays. Slipping his worn coat on, he gave a lingering glance to his cane which leaned against a side of his small bed's post before deciding he wouldn't need it this day. Slipping his rough hands habitually into his pockets, he trudged out of his door before putting a little lock charm upon it with a flick of his wand. He often wondered why he even bothered to do this; who would want to break into his place?

Remus had started to make a habit of walking in the morning, deciding upon the conclusion that it made his feel a bit better the rest of the day. So he found himself in front of that small park once again, same as it was before. Cars buzzed by here and there, heading to workplaces and such as was any other weekday, nothing different. He passed through the archway of the grounds, recognizing some of the elder couples from his last visit but a day ago. Perhaps he would become a regular here much like them, though he hoped he didn't look as old and partially disappointed with life. Subconsciously, he knew he looked the part exactly. Combing a few fingers through his prematurely aging hair, he kicked about a few bits of gravel here and there as he strolled along the path. He made sure to move out of the way a few times when a child here or there scampered by giggling, trying to find an extra special hiding place where nobody would find them. The antics of the kids brought a light smile to his face as he walked on.

He came upon his serenely secluded area once again and edged around the comfortably growing trees in order to find "his" bench. The smell of cool morning moisture hung in the air, and the weather was a bit greyer than the previous day, the sun seemingly taking a break for the time being. Sighing comfortably as he seated himself, Remus stretched out his legs, which weren't as weak as they had been earlier. His brown shoes had small splotches of dew still clinging on from when he had stepped through the long green lawn grasses. Folding his pale hands to come to rest upon his stomach, he slouched down just enough so that he was able to rest his head on the back edge of the wooden weathered bench while being wooed by the sways of the wind.

Within a few moments of the peaceful quiet away from the rest of the park, a flutter of wings reached Remus's ears, coming from near him. Peeking open an eye briefly, he tilted his head to meet gaze with the same accompanying blackbird. He recognized her by the rarely brown colored watery eyes.

"Lo' again." He greeted, closing his eye once again. "I don't suppose you returned in the hopes that I food or something of the sort?" He could hear her hopping about the bench as if to find an ideally comfortable spot. "Never really had a pet before. Except for my owl back at school. And a big black dog I once knew.." He paused lightly to dwell on this musing before continuing for nobody in particular except this bird. "Though he wasn't really a dog per se. More like an overgrown child." Chuckling lightly, he was brought to realization that he hadn't really thought about Sirius at all in the past year or so. Not like it mattered; he was locked away now anyhow. And both James and Peter were gone. "I still don't know why..." He began again.

And again, he spent his morning talking to the attentive blackbird at his side; about the friends he once had while he reminisced about school days. He bid a sarcastic adieu in jest to his raven acquaintance, feeling relaxed again as he headed out of the park.

Author's Note: This was rather short, and my next one will be too. This wasn't deliberately done, but rather I'm just a bad writer.


	3. Wednesday

**Disclaimer: **I own Remus Lupin. And I'm a lobster with opposable thumbs if you believe that.

_Wednesday, October 1983_

It seemed that the weather worsened day by day. The sky streaked with haze and it looked to soon rain. That didn't stop the cars zooming past for work, or the businessmen striding over a walk with a paper in hand, coffee in the other while trying to speak on the phone at the same time; not as impressive as some you saw holding up an umbrella, hailing a cab, holding their coffee, rolling up their paper, _and_ speaking on their phone. But it seemed that the fact that it was the middle of the week was what kept the working class going; 'twas almost the weekend, and that was good enough for them.

Remus's lethargic state after coping from the recent Full Moon had now passed, and he was free to stride amongst the crowds without a cane, a limp, or a wince. Happy with his reinstated well-being, or well enough at least, he strode out of his house and out through the mostly quiet and sometimes abandoned part of the city he lived within. He came to see that he felt far more relaxed the rest of the day if he strolled in the morning, as he had been doing for the past few days. So he came to the conclusion upon making a habit of it. He passed the flats of the neighborhood, the street crossings, and the crowds of pedestrians; walking left when others went right, slowed his pace down when others sped up, and walked against the groups of people instead of with them. The cool wind brushed over the middle-aged man's face, nipping at his pallid nose and ears until they turned a light crimson shade as he walked opposing the gale, head turned downwards a bit.

His overused brown shoes took him back towards his park again. With the same little spots of overgrown weeds by the gateway, the same messy gravel, and the same partially cracked walk in front of it. Down the path, past the quarreling squirrels, around the bend, and away from the elderly bench-dwellers he went. It was apparent that all the children were anticipating the time whence all the leaves floated down from the trees, creating piles that were easily pounce-able. When you raked up all the fallen foliage into piles just to grab them in handfuls and toss them high into the air, amusingly twirling amongst them when they soared back downwards to be askew on the lawn again. That was the love of Fall, so it seemed.

Stretching his lean arms out lazily, Remus plopped down onto his usual bench, which greeted him with a light creaking noise as he rested upon it. His soft eyes raked the skies above for nothing really in particular, or so he subconsciously thought, while his feet tapped softly on the lush green grass beneath him. He didn't mind the cold air particularly this day, for his spot was of great comfort. He looked fixatedly at the rusting metal of the arm rest as if it was of fascination before crossing his arms over his chest. It was strange, but he felt like speaking with someone again. True, he wasn't technically talking to anyone when that bird was around, but at least it was something. It helped him get things off his chest, and relaxed him.

And with brown eyes that have the seeming of a demon that is dreaming, like clockwork the listening blackbird swooped down to a halt beside Remus on the bench.

He chuckled softly at the sight. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you actually _wanted _to listen to my stories." He hadn't given the bird any food, so why would it return so avidly?

Stifling a yawn behind a hand, he turned his head to look at the rest of the park. "I must be a blasted fool to be talking to a bird-" But when his gaze returned to look beside him, the friendly blackbird was absent of place.

Instead there was a woman seated there, with long glistening black hair and brown eyes, hands folded on her lap as she looked back at him.

Remus nearly jumped in surprise. "Er...you weren't...I was just...there was a bird here.." The woman merely nodded. "Yes...I was the bird."

"You were the bird?" He repeated, confused. "An Animagi?"

"Yeah...I can turn into a blackbird. I often fly 'round the park here when I get bored every morning...which is often, let me assure you." She looked just a bit younger than Remus, and spoke rather casually.

"...were you the same bird I've.." He continued, trailing off after thinking about how much he had talked to an animal about things. Well, not really an animal, he supposed.

"Yes, the very same bird you spoke to for the past couple of days." Upon seeing his uneasy expression, she turned to look at him again. "Oh...I'm sorry if I intruded on your privacy or...or something like that. I just was curious about you is all. And when you spoke to me, you sounded so...so..."

"Pathetic?" Remus finished for her, sitting rigidly in his spot. "Foolish? Wondering why I'd tell my life story to a bird?"

"No...no, of course not. Not pathetic just..." She sighed, not being able to finish her thoughts. "I'm sorry. Really, I am. I should've at least showed you I was an actual person earlier.."

After an awkward pause, in which songbirds twittered softly above in the trees, Remus gave her another sideways glance. "Goes to show you how you're not safe to speak out loud to anything..." He was vexed by meeting this new Witch, and how odd a meeting it was. But he also thought how good it felt to have someone to speak to.

"Again, I'm sorry." She replied quietly, looking downwards for a moment. "Here, why don't we start over...I'm Nimisha." The woman extended her hand in Remus's direction slowly.

He hesitantly looked down at her hand before finally taking it, shaking it lightly in greeting. "I'm Remus."

_Fin_

Well...that's it. Not too grand and jazzed up, I know. But I'd love reviews. Even if they're to be filled with criticism.


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